coming to the end of my journey….

i can remember so clearly when my mom had reached the age where her friends had started to pass away….it was actually my dad who was one of the first to pass at the young age of 70….and then one by one the husbands of her friends followed suit….and then the women….it seemed like every other phone call was bad news….i felt so sorry for her…..i wondered how it made her feel about her own existence….and now i am 63 years old and i look on facebook at the people i grew up with, people i know are passing away….how does that make me feel? i look at my life and hope that i have touched many hearts….that i’ve left enough memories for my children to hold onto in their hearts….have i done everything on my bucket list….do i retire and start traveling and taking art classes….will it be another 10 years…20 years….how fast the past 63 have flown by….i look in the mirror and see a younger self looking back at me….and then a recent photo reminds me of how old i really am….i’ve spent my life putting everyone else before me…my kids…..my mom….should i be selfish and start taking care of myself…..i believe that my future is in god’s hands…that only he knows where it will lead…..i try to be the best person that i can…to be compassionate, to not judge those around me….to be fair and honest….not really sure where i’m going with this….it’s time to make my bucket list and start checking them off one by one…..my children are really just beginning their journey and as i did and my parents before me they must find their own way and learn from their mistakes as we all try to do….i need to leave the guilt behind….i have led them the best i can….the path they follow from now on is up to them….my mom lived to be 88…that’s 25 years from now….how much can i pack into those 25 years while i’m still able to take care of myself…..you can’t worry about the years you have left but try to enjoy them as best you can and make the memories for those around you….oh and my parting thought….plan your future and your will even if there isnt much to plan….what you have in your mind of how things should go….never seem to go that way….put it on paper….make it very specific and clear….life comes to a dead end faster then you think….

#endoflife

#wheredideveryonego

#fromtheheart

#friends

#

you’ve got to get rid of it…..it’s gotta go…..

i know that i’m a ceramic hoarder….it goes hand in hand with owning a kitchen store which turned into a functional art, gifts and accessories boutique for 27 years….and probably has to do a little with the fact that i’m a.d.d……i just cant get rid of stuff…..and everytime we have a party at the house i tend to throw things in the pantry on top of other things which are balancing on top of other things and then the next time i need something of course i can’t find it but then i go and organize a bit…in the 15 minutes of spare time that i have……and i find all this kool stuff…..i once  read somewhere that the rule of thumb for getting rid of stuff is…..if you look at something and it makes you smile or happy …..keep it….my problem is that if it didnt make me feel good i wouldnt have brought it home in the first place so obviously just about everything i have in my pantry i love…..it either reminds me of a specific time in my life or its just so kool why would i want someone else to have it….i know thats very selfish of me but i have to be selfish with some things…..don’t i……well maybe i can get rid of a few things….i seem to have a few items that i do believe people have brought over for a party and left….so i’ll start there…..

does anyone else run out of soap just in time for thanksgiving…..

does this happen to other people…it must….it just seems that every thanksgiving i go to wash my dishes while preparing stuff ahead of time…yes i do some stuff ahead of time….amazing isnt it….never as much ahead of time as i would like to….but anyways…..i go to wash the pots and pans and dishes and someone put the bottle back under the sink with a tablespoon of soap left….it’s like putting the milk container back with just a gulp of milk or the butter with just a smidge…..i’m pretty sure it wasn’t me but since i think i’m the only one around here that handwashes the pots and pans it must have been me….but maybe the dogs had a bubble party while we were gone….they were awfully tired last night….they are usually all over me all night long while watching tv and at 8:30 they start begging for the 9:00 cookie…..when our other dog issue was alive she would get up around 8:45 and go into the next room and keep poking her head out the door with the saddest look to see if it might be cookie time a little earlier….miss that girl….ok so let me go back and see where i was going before i got on the dogs…..oh ya dish soap…..oh….lost my train of thought…..i’m over it……i know its a day late but……
may your stuffing be tasty

may your turkey be plump,

may your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump.

may your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your thanksgiving dinner….

stay off your thighs!

happy thanksgiving to all!!!

i’ve had an epiphany!

i’ve had an epiphany…..i know it’s a big word for me….i definitely had to look it up to make sure it was spelled correctly….i’m not sure i even like my epiphany…..but there it was……hitting me right smack in the face….at the age of almost 62…..yes i’ll admit it…..can’t believe i’ve lived this long….i never thought i’d make it past 50….i was the sole parent of 2 kids …2 very intelligent…very active kids with some very special obstacles…..i even went as far as to write each one of them letters in case of my early demise…..but here i am 61 and 3/4 it’s 5:04 a.m. and i’m under the covers with a pillow  over my head so the light from my phone doesn’t wake up terry or our 4 little doggies……and i have to tell the world my epiphany…..

i am not super woman any more…..

no thats not right…..i do not have to be super woman anymore……it’s very difficult for me to allow myself to come to this conclusion…..but here i am….naked to the world…..i can not continue to act upon all the amazing and creative ideas that i have in my head…..i just can’t do everything and be everywhere….there i’ve said it……i admit it…..now what…..at first i felt like i would be letting down the people around me…..all the plans i had for things with my new store…..using store bought mashed potatoes at thanksgiving instead of making my own…..actually i’ve let other people bring part of the thanksgiving meal instead of doing it all myself….that was one of the easy ones…..but not doing every single thing that came into my brain for my new store…..at least not all at once….for instance…..having a little coffee bar in the store where customers can make themselves a cup of coffee and have one of my famous oatmeal cookies…..or having classes on the back patio…..which i will still do just not right this minute…..too many obstacles with the city of scottsdale…..and to my amazement people are ok with it…..well maybe not the store bought mashed potatoes…..but let’s focus on the first important thing….getting the store running and then i can conquer each one…..wow ….do one thing at a time…..what a concept….well in my case i’ve narrowed it down to 4 things at a time…..omg i pushed something and accidently published this before i was ready to….now i have to keep coming back and updating it….,

here’s to a sweet new year! 

i went to temple last night for rosh hashana…..the jewish new year…..5777…..it’s one of my favorite of the holidays……but my daughter and i have decided we need to start our own temple…..part of being jewish is about tradition……and tradition is passed from generation to generation…..but it seems that everyone feels the need to modernize the music to our prayers….you grow up singing these beautiful solemn prayers and hymms that touch deep within your soul…..but in the last ten years or so the music seems to have different tunes……and how can you join and sing these hymns with 3 generations of your family when music has been updated……going to temple on rosh hashana and yom kippur the day of atonement…..has always moved my soul….it is time to reflect on the past year  ……on our actions, right our wrongs, and refocus ourselves for the New Year….to re gain strength for the coming year….and to me the singing of prayers is so moving…..so why does the music need to be updated…..it becomes a congregation that cannot participate in the recitation because one doesnt know the tune….and i come away at the end of the service wondering why rather then feeling a cleansing and recharging of my soul……so next time i find myself in the presence of a rabbi…..any rabbi i must ask…..what the hell happened here….where is the tradition……

winter is my color

i love winter…..well as close as we get to winter which for most people it would be fall….thats because i’m in arizona……but thats beside the point here…..winter is my color….I can layer clothes which covers up more….which makes me feel…well maybe even a little bit sexy….but my whole personality changes….i feel good about myself…..loosing 14 lbs. has helped…..putting on a great pair of boots….who cares if i’ve had a pedicure lately…..a nice pair of jeans….a long top….in my favorite color black….very slenderizing…..and a light weight jacket……which compared  to summer here…shorts, top and flip flops……everything is out there right up front….leaves nothing to the imagination……

holy moley……its 2:00 in the morning and i must have dosed off or as some say i was resting my eyes….dropped my phone on my face….looked up and some how this got published….you know……went live…..i wasnt even done…..how does that happen….but now i know how cell phones can cause injuries…..try falling asleep while holding one above your face….its a rude awakening….i think i broke my nose…..

is that sleep apnea……a question from the peanut gallery on the other side of the bed…..what? being on the phone at 2:00 a.m……no its old age…i had to go to the bathroom and i come up with some of my best stuff in the middle of the night…..sorry if it’s bothering you…..well it is very bright but i wasnt sleeping much anyways….oops sorry…..do you think thats a hint….see now if thus was still a draft i’d save it turn off the phone and come back later and finish it….well probably not…..but it really had a great beginning…damn now my hand is falling asleep…why cant the rest if my body do the same thing……

#winterismycolor #dontwakethehusband #gottopee 

boobage

ok so i just have to talk about boobs today…..im not sure why it popped into my head but it did…..and once something starts it just keeps going and going and going….kind of like the ever ready battery……so if talking about boobs offends you please stop reading….although if boobs offend you then you wouldnt be reading my blog at all…..as long as i can remember which is somewhere in my early twenties i have always been proud of my boobs…..luckily i took after my mom and not my dad…..ive had cleavage and i loved wearing scoop necked t shirts and tanks and anything that showed them off….but not too slutty…..but as i get older and so do they ive been noticing other womens boobs….mostly smaller ones….now im not weird i know there has to be some among you other then the men reading this who notice other womens boobs…..there’s nothing wrong with it and you dont have to be attracted to other women to do it……but as mine get older and lower and i start to wear a push up bra just to keep them where they used to be…..ive noticed that my t shirt necks are getting higher…..im a side sleeper so ive started to also notice early in the morning creases down the middle of my chest from laying on my side which causes one boob to crowd the other…..so back to my noticing other womens boobs…..how nice it would be to have smaller boobs….i could wear a button down tshirt and leave alot of the buttons open and appear alluring without having to worry about something popping out……i could wear a backless dress or one that is low cut and not have to wear a bra at all…..showing my sexy back…..well only if i lost another 20 lbs……so you women out there with smaller boobs…..be proud……when you get much older you’ll be glad because they’ll be right where they started…..there actually were alot more thoughts racing thru my head but that started to be tmi….too much information….so thats all i have to say about boobs……

ok so since ive written this ive noticed everywhere i go if i have a scooped neck or tank top on i keep pulling it up…..do i look like a 60 year old hoe……nice name for slut…whore…for those that dont do the lingo) also met some people sitting out at the pork shop….thats another whole story… but it came to me…..if i sleep on my back with my lower body elevated and my boobs hanging upwards towards my head 8 hours a night will they head back north from the opposite gravity pull…..

#boobs #gravity #being60